North London Tara FC-The Home of Great Football

End of Season Survey 2006-07

THE CLUB

Power league or Gladstone Park ?_A stocking filler of a question awarded the briefest of responses by mostly everyone: Gladstone summer, PL winter

Kick-around or fitness work? Jogging around Mill Hill East and Gladstone Park is apparently the only exercise many of you get and some even called for an increase in our gruelling physical conditioning. I'm hoping the permanent appointment of BIG Darren Maher as club fitness coach will make us even stronger and I'm especially pleased Darren will still be involved despite him calling a day to his playing career. He's a top bloke.

What improvements could be made to the way the club is run? Obligatory shouts for race-days and go-karting made the mix along with some passionate and justified shouts for training to have a direct correlation to team selection . On the racing front I was raring to go to Ascot before Thorntons stag got in the way and I was well up for that too before my mate decided to get married on the 7 th of the 7 th 2007. Beware the bombers! I'd agree with the sentiment on the training side 100% but in reality it is something I did not really enforce last year. The patience, maturity and team mentality of those who must have been seething on occasions was superb however and probably kept the issue from boiling over.

THE GOOD -The best of NLT's Season

Players Player of The Year - The first 5 votes cast in this category were all for different players, although 2 lads eventually broke away from the field in a similar fashion to last year when Super Spaniard Simon Iglesias took the title from JP Ryan -who also featured very strongly again this time round. With some superb defensive performances during the season it came as no surprise to see Tim, Dan , and Riz all nominated, particularly with Rizza now the club clean-sheet record holder as well as 4 th top scorer of all time. Tara pretty boy Stephen O'Carroll was also nominated, with a couple of lads who did n't back him alluding to the fact that he may have got further votes if he'd blown out the wedding to play in the final. Gav 's consistent excellence, regardless of position, also found favour. In BIG Darrens words "it was bland, know one stood out" but I can assure you someone did.

Young Player of the Year (under 23) - More or less a 2 way split here between Martins ability and Sean's attitude: "As much as it kills me to say it, Martin Murphy. Arrogant, bad attitude, greedy and probably the most frustrating player I've ever had the misfortune of playing with but the stat's don't lie" or from the same man "No fuck it, give it to Sean Clifford because he's a nice kid and he never fails to amaze me with his ability on the jukebox at 9pm on a Sunday. He's not a bad player either". Martin's goals ratio was very impressive, 1 behind Noel from less games, and his performance against Lansdowne and 2 goals at Yeading were absolutely pivotal in getting us to the final. At his best you're glad he's on your side but unfortunately he's been at his worst a number of times this term. Sean on the other hand has had to contend with his new arrival status, a broken wrist and "a dead rat in his arse" but his commitment cannot be questioned and he proved against Kings and Hanwell that he can compete at a high level.

Most Improved Player - Not always viewed as the most prestigious award by some, incorrectly I may add, this seasons nominations included some long established stars and senior players who many people felt had raised their standards considerably this term. Most obvious is Brian who as I said late last year has gone from being on the periphery of the team to being the first name on the sheet, and Tim -who shot out the traps this season with some excellent individual performances. Gav finished in the top 3 in this category, backed by some senior players for "establishing himself in the side, midfield or defence" while Sean's strong finish against Hanwell and others also caught the imagination. Personally I'd like The Riz to win it. He looked "shakey" at times this season in the opening games but "fair play he came good' and he can even kick a ball as "far as Mark Keeepeerrr Terry": "after getting lobbed from 50 yards against the legion pre-season I had some concerns, I had no need, still susceptible to the odd freak goal but his shot stopping has been excellent" Vital saves en route to the final, including one at the death against Lansdowne and a solid display against KDA are worthy of merit.

Goal of the Season - 6 strikes were nominated in this catergory, among them " Big Tim's mis-kick" in our away win over Sudbury Inn , Martin Murphy (3-0 Hanwell), Dec (3-1 AFC Finchley), Dec again (2-0 Sudbury) and The Beast -whose long range daisy cutter in the last minute of the final (was) "For sheer emotion, and timing, easily the best this year". Pat Keenan "showed JP and Steve how to finish from inside the 6-yard box" with a right-footed effort low into the bottom corner against Kings United but unfortunately this went past Riz into our own net, which leaves Dec to collect for his superb volley from outside the box against AFC Finchley , with KK second and Dec again in third. Fully deserved.

Best Goalkeeper - A stroll for Rizman, justly so, despite 2 lads opting for me because I "know how to shout"/jump/intimidate etc. Brian's goalkeeping ability first came to my attention when he stood in for Mark in our Reg Ellis win over HAFC and pulled off and amazing double save to keep us in the game at, er, 10-1. He then drove home from Liverpool to keep guard as we went down against BCFC towards the tail end of the season and convinced me he could do a job for us in goal. When Mark refused to dive in our pre-season game against KAFC, having spent the summer acting the goat at training, he had to go and Riz stepped up to the plate magnificently. As I'm sure he's aware Brian could do with being more vocal and more confident in the box but you don't enjoy the sort of cup run we had without a good stopper and that's what the man is.

Best Defender- My old mate Dr Dan absolutely blitzed this, "despite Tim 's best season in years", and the presence of PP06 Simon Iglesias in defence for the entire season. Of all the ifs, buts and maybes surrounding our Devon Loch moment in Season 4 nothing holds more weight with me than the belief that we would have been promoted instead of Broadway had Dan not pulled out at Christmas to study for his finals. He's deceptively quick, an amazing man marker, good in the air, calm, tough tackling, you name it. "Dan didn't have a bad game this year. Trains regularly and always gives 100%. Off the pitch he's a true gentleman", "Dan has always been our best defender", "Dan and his hanky for me". That said there were also votes for others like Tim who was runner-up, Gav and Igg and also Paul whose performance against Hanwell away (2-0) was superb.

Best Midfielder - Despite competition from almost everyone who played across the park for us this season, JP retains his position as the best midfielder at the club with a large majority. All this despite the fact his best performance came in the final where he was, at last, allowed to play in what he considers his best position. To be honest I would n't argue with him, but as the squad says he's also pretty hot at left-mid as well. If only everyone was prepared to accept playing out of position with the grace of him or Steve. Naturally John's rivals for the award think otherwise "Fuck JP's stats, the final aside he's been worse then last year" but at least runner-up Dec did not get all the other votes for himself: " KK is where its at -looks like a beast, plays like a beast, smells like Sean", Gav "a pleasure to play alongside" and Larry "blood on his hands but gold in his boots -which may explain why he's so slow"

Best Striker - ' It's a young mans game' apparently but despite pushing 30 Noel Burke wins The Best Striker Award for the second season in succession. Having retained the clubs Golden Boot it comes as no real surprise but when you take into account the quality of Stephen and JP, both of put in some brilliant performances up-front this year, winning this award with near unanimous backing is a massive indication of the respect that Noel is held in at Tara . Comments included: "When fit, impossible to stop", "If he could take a penalty he'd be dangerous", "barstuds!" and "did fuck all after christmas as usual". For all Noels protestations that the season just gone will be his last flogging himself to death up top, it appears that the "attention seeking, youngest of 3 brothers" Burke may yet reconsider : "Noel Burke has been outstanding this year and has been a class act ever since the days when we both played for St. Mary Magdalens together when I was 10 and he was a veteran at 11 and even then I remember him regularly uttering the now infamous line 'one more year and that's it for me lads'"

Best Newcomer - " In any other year you could have taken your pick from Pat, KK , Larry, Jimbo and Sean " or "the jaffa cakes " but we needed a replacement for Adam Welch and Larry went out and found us someone "4 or maybe 5 times better'. In his younger days this man was "shit hot at rugby, basketball and pulling birds at the local Hay Lane discos" but thank the Lord he is now focused on football as Stephen O'Carroll is not only the landslide winner in this category but "easily the best player we've ever signed, after Noel". "Gavin Hensons mini-me" has loads in his locker -"Pace, strength, good in the tackle, aggressive and the sweetest touch I've ever seen" and "if he'd blown out the wedding he'd have been my player of the year. What sort of tight cunt gets married on a Thursday!" Personally I think Steve could have contributed more goals but it's a moot point; I'd echo everything positive that's been said about him and more. The fact that he's also a bloody nice bloke is a bonus.

Best Team Performance -Plenty of nominations in this category, including the early season performance at Greenford Celtic and their "semi-pro players getting smashed all over the pitch" in a 5 goal blitz, but tellingly this category featured only 2 league fixtures -at home to AFC Finchley "for the quality of football played" and away to Hanwell : "having lost to them in the final we smashed them to stop them winning the title, Damo scored, Steve nut megged the keeper with a free kick, Burke played at left back after Jimbo went off(having been on a massive session the night before), Timmy cried off as he had a few to many shandies (according to Sean) As did Dec. Larry nearly shat himself in the second half and had AIDS in the changing room after, what more can you ask for?!!" The quarter final victory away to Landsdowne -a 7 goal thriller which should have been a 10-3 romp was backed strongly and the cup final defeat also made it into the mix for sheer guts and perseverance. But the overwhelming winner was KDA , 50-1 favourites who will play in the top flight of the Harrow League next year, who got taken to the cleaners in a brilliant team performance which will live long in the memory. The emotion of it all was clearly too much for Noel (whose "diving and hold-up play" in the latter stages of this game even made it into Best Piece of Skill Award and these opponents will forever be burned onto his brain as " ADZ ". Barstuds!

Best Individual Performance - A couple of nominations here for Paul Conlon (Hanwell away) and his skillful turn at centre-back in our 2-0 victory, and both Dan and Iggy in the afore-mention win over KDA, when "this one's ex-QPR, and this one's gonna tear you apart" were shown-up by the intensity of their performance. Next up is Martin Murphy V Lansdowne. Love him or hate him there can be no denying he was superb that day, and although he should have scored a hatful, on that sort of form he's a great footballer. The winner here however, by some considerable distance, is big game performer JP Ryan (cup final). Everyone I spoke to after the match was raving about the this mans contribution -an assist, a penalty won, another converted, does n't do it justice but you did: "Top, top, TOP drawer". Need I say more?

What is our best XI - With a massive squad to choose from some peoples noses will be out of joint here but what y'gonna do? Competition was fierce, especially in defence where I think Pat, Paul and Gav 's versatility counted against them despite receiiving decent support. Only Dan, Noel, JP and Stephen made it into every team. Kieran Kelly aka The Beast is the outstanding midfielder at the club according to you, while Iggy 's impending departure will grate severely since he is our top centre back. Martin and Dec both lost a lot of votes on last year but held their positions. Self-publicists Rizza, Martin and JP all believe they can finish better then Steve, and dropped him to midfield.

	GK- Riz

RB- Dan	CB- Tim	CB- Iggy	LB-Jimbo

RM-Martin	CM- KK	CM- Deco	LM- JP

	CF- Noel	CF- Steve

Favourite Opponent (team) - There's a few lads in our team cut from the same cloth as me at my competitive worst: "I hate all the cunts -I play football to win not to make friends" but it's a source of pride to Liam that we still manage to play fair and give respect to other teams. Despite only playing them once competitively this season Broadway Celtic FC (1 st 's or 2nds) are your idea of heaven when it comes to picking a team to play against, ahead of Greenford Celtic and Dutch Lions . To be fair the matches I played in against BCFC were pretty special, derby games if you like and I'd agree that "if we could be up for every game like we are against them we'd be in Div 1 by now". To be honest once I realized the strength of feeling on this I must admit I felt a pang of regret that I turned down the chance to go up with them at the end of Season 4.

Favourite Opponent (player/official) - An overwhelming triumph for Eddie , St Andrews Youth championship winning manager, who along with his club has been a breath of fresh air in the Hendon league this season. Despite doing the double over us Eddie was extremely graceful and good natured in his dealings with the club and with me personally, and, as I'm sure you're aware Eddie has a lot of time for the playing staff at Tara . A deserved winner who brushed off a minor challenge from the mature Face (Hanwell) and Mark Murphys cousin (Greenford)

Player you'd most like us to sign - Taken more seriously this year the answers in this category reflect a healthy respect for several of the opponents we faced this season. From those that crept in from the professional ranks Stephen O'Leary would seem a more realistic target then PFA Player of the Year Cristiano Ronaldo or James Beattie, and would probably be more reliable then minority sports fan Dave O'Sullivan . After these Face (Hanwell) and the " black winger from St Andrews Youth " are next in line on the wish list, receiving great support, although both would be ineligible to sign on sectarian grounds. Paul Killick ( St Andrews Senior Side), Darren Butler (Yoofs) and Martin Prendergast (Sals?) would appear out of reach and I cannot ever imagine a set of circumstances whereby Brendan Gilbride would sign for the club.

Best Ref - Some felt strongly that "there is no such thing" while he of the breezeblock shaped head felt I "was just dragging it out now". Those that bothered to vote made Vernon Mentor the clear favourite: "He took control of many a game for us whilst playing for The Harp and even gave us a hand when we kicked off against Hatch End. Oh and he told Larry Kelly to shut his f**king mouth" and "how he did not book me I'll never know"

Favourite Ground - Harrow Borough would have pissed this if we'd won I'm sure, despite the fact that the changing rooms were considerably below-par and the pitch was massive. How The Metropolitan Police Ground ( Kings United ) finished runner-up to Northwick Park I'll never know, maybe something to do with the old bill and our home grounds proximity to Willesden, but Kings play on a "carpet" and I thoroughly enjoyed our visit there. Personally I'd like to see us pay a bit more rent and play elsewhere but there is little evidence to suggest you feel the same.

The Mark Murphy Award for the greatest piece of individual skill - Larry wins this by virtue of having 3 pieces of skill nominated once, all different, with Pat, Stephen , JP, Jimbo and Noel otherwise tied in 2 nd place. Pat's o,g "against Kings was clinically tucked away", Jimbo "he has never pulled off any skill at any time throughout the last 23 years" but impressed away to JL while Stephen and JP should have received more votes than the one they did. ' Suffolk 's best was probably spinning "on a six-pence against KDA and completely out-foxing the 50-1 on cunt" and he deserves to take the mantle from Mark for next season.

Best dressed player at the club - Newcomer James O'Leary wins hands down, despite a couple of eagle-eyed revelers recognizing that The Gaffer cuts a mean figure away from the game when in his civvies. Personally I can't really recall many of Jimbo's outfits but on the rare occasions that I absorbed the state of his threads I was pretty impressed. After years spent slumming it at as student Jimbo is clearly making up for lost time. O'Carroll almost scored 'nil point' despite spending a small fortune on muscle vests which expose an inordinate amount of chest hair and toeless trainers but as his one supporter acknowledged "He has to make do with the childrenswear range and still pulls it off"

Longest in the shower - An ambiguous question obviously, but any doubt as to why Noel Burke 'Prision rules' received near unanimous backing in this category can be cleared up by the following comments: "Burkey for his consistent and prolonged thwarted rape attempts on everyone in the team and also one on the young winger for Hanwell". Sean received backing for (a) dragging out the clean-up and (b) having a big langer -" Liam might have some competition"

WAG of The Year - A real three-way here, with Sinead O'Connor, Hailey McEvoy and Ting-Tong battling it out for the most coveted award in Sunday football. Most 'married' men nominated their own WAG for fear of reprisal - Toni Ryan for example "otherwise she'll kill me" and Emma Mason "who won the dream team". Unfortunately Tim missed a trick and left it blank and Noel , well, you'll see what Noel wrote in a minute. Sinead, "outsold all others on raffle ticket detail, finished second in the fantasy football, has great taste in men, makes a cracking Lasagne" and is extremely well liked at the club, even more so "for that black eye" and her "womanly charms". Ting-Tong is obviously a fictional character, but the gallows humour in the dressing room means Paul Conlon has the honour of seeing his '12 year old Thai boyfriend/sex slave' finish third. Much to her amusement Hailey won, with 'living with a loon" apparently a justifiable reason alongside "those kits don't wash themselves" and "your bird Damo -would I!!"

Best Message Board Moment - 'Moobsgate' and the subsequent fall-out wins by miles. What began as a cynical ploy to generate some much needed banter on the message board quickly developed into a 'bullying campaign' which forced one man to walk out of the club. Funny? I laughed my tits off

THE BAD - The worst of NLT

Worst Result - We did not lose many matches but of those that we did throwing a 2 goal lead away to Dutch Lions "cost us promotion" and romped home. Gwalia for much the same sentiment and St Andrews Youth (4-1) made the cut but Hanwell (3-3) was runner-up.

Worst Team Performance- NLO put out a scratch team when we played them in The Presidents Cup the week after our win over KDA, which compounded the misery for me as we went down to a 2 goal defeat. Despite starting brightly we soon faded and ended up putting in "Easily our worst performance in 5 years". Hopefully I won't see the like again, it was that bad -a fact very few of you have forgotten.

Most disappointing moment- No prizes for guessing this one and no need to re-live the horrors of the opening 20 minutes of the cup final or the sudden death defeat at the end. Some personal disappointment is understandable, either not getting on at all or regretting individual mistakes on the pitch, but for myself and Chairman Mac there is little disappointment at all: I honestly could n't have asked for more in terms of effort or endeavour and as Mac said we "May not have won it but did the club proud"

Most Hated opponent (club, player or official) - One lad sums up the feelings of a good few here: "Every single cunt at Gwalia , fans included. A shower of inbred Hillbilly bastards. Especially that fat wanker at centre back." Personally I'd exclude the club secretary and goalie Big Andy who is sound as a pound and most of the black lads, but some of the baggage his team are carrying leave lots to be desired. From their rabid dog of a manager urging players already leaving the ground with both feet to show "more aggression" to the skinny druggie patrolling the sidelines with his shiv, on a bad day Gwalia represent everything wrong about Sunday football and society in 'white' England . The winner however is pantomime dame, Hanwell Keeper and registered ref Larry "Fuckin" Kelly . How on earth he gets away with uttering the shit that comes out of his mouth I'll never know and combined with the " big-nosed cunt in centre midfield " he takes moaning at the ref to another level. Time-wasting in the first 10 minutes of the cup final is another crime I'd level against him, although at the same time it's a compliment to yourselves in a way.

Ugliest Player at the club - "O'Carroll. The WAGs completely overrate him. He doesn't do it for me" " The Gaffer " " Pat " "Noel" "Jimbo - I know he never will, but I would so dearly love for him to win this award". The truth: "Could be anyone of 16 players..we're all pretty minging". But Dec is different it would appear "O'Carroll has added some much needed sex appeal -I've been carrying the torch alone for too long"

Greediest Player at the Club - With Adam Welch gone and Dec attempting and failing to connect with several short range passes (Dec's back pass against St Andrews was voted one of the most disappointing moments of the year) Martin Murphy pissed this category.

Smelliest Player at the Club- Footballs worst kept secret is out -Sean Clifford absolutely hums on a Sunday morning. "Sean has not right to smell the way he does at his age".. "the dead rat hanging out of Sean's arse goes a long way to explain his curious running style"..."I thought Adam could fart".."Clifford wins by some considerable distance"

Worst dressed player at the Club - In a trend which was to continue throughout the remainder of the survey this category threw up a few surprises. JP won easily, but there were nominations aplenty for others often without dig or explanation. Turning up at Northwick Park wearing a V-neck jumper, flat-cap and jeans makes Noel an easy target and Dec's "ancient trainers"/"Birkenstocks" also got the nod. But Paul , Gavin, Sean, Iggy and Pat all made the cut with little if any supporting evidence . Jimbo apparently sees Frankie Lampard staring back at him from the mirror "though he's more like Frankie Howard"

Cherry Picker of the Year -Despite James O'Leary going missing during party season he was largely ignored in this category, with Title Holder Dec O'Mahoney going hammer and tongs with Tim Cooney for this year's award. Though it will annoy him greatly Tim's absence from both league wins over Hanwell and the return with St Andrews Yoof impressed nobody, despite 'Tom' coming down regardless to support the team in 2 of these games. For me personally Dec's behaviour was more disappointing, particularly blowing us out for the 'double headache' with Gwalia when I'd explicitly requested as many of you to tog out as possible, and going AWOL on a further 7 Sundays. But I think Dec is expected to pick his games by almost everyone these days whereas Tim's drop-outs in the midst of some excellent personal performances were more of a shock, hence Tim wins "by a short head".

Most-overrated Player (in his own head) - With a larger squad, shortened sessions on the message board and without me banging his drum in the match reports each week Dec aka "The New Superhero " only just managed to hang on to his title this time around. Martin and Darren Dempsey both ate into his share and Noel inexplicably nominated himself . But lets have it right, anyone who wanders around at half-time muttering things like "if they can get past me they'll probably score" creates a rod for their own back. And as for his short passing game..pfft.

Worst Trainer -Of those who make it along JP and Pat ("always has been, always will be) seemed to stick out in most peoples minds for "sheer laziness", particularly at Gladstone, but there was more criticism of those who fail to attend, or those "who rolled into town around cup final time" such as Martin Murphy . Having taken the strength of feeling on board then despite land-slide winner Dec making it into your best XI he will need to return some decent numbers attending training next year in order to hold down a place in the side. Most people seem adamant that training should be compulsory for everyone, at least at the rate of the 6 or 7 in every 10 sessions that I requested. In fairness to Dec he's never asked for nor expected special treatment but I am prepared to admit that at times he has received it, and I hope both he and Noel improve in this respect next year .